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Blackbird's Head on a Raven's Torso

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27 July 1980
mattmatt is a prescription medication for the relief of symptoms associated with boredom, poor design, bad grammar and unconscionable taste in music. Users in carefully controlled clinical trials have experienced a marked increase in their ability to tell the difference between 'less' and 'fewer', and a higher tolerance for terrible puns.

Side effects of prolonged exposure to mattmatt may include dizziness, shortness of breath, lack of sleep, and the proliferation of small pieces of paper covered with bizarre caricatures, arabesques, and pictures of bears eating fudge and tricycling police frogs. Withdrawal symptoms noted by test subjects have included heartache, loss of appetite, and, in one case, partial blindness. mattmatt has a high street value as a social drug, but has only mild hallucinogenic properties; the most common effect of mattmatt is to cause its users to talk hysterically in bizarre accents for hours on end, often repeating the same half-dozen lines from a movie until they are forcibly restrained.

WARNING: Keep mattmatt out of reach of children, and do not expose to naked flame. Point away from face. mattmatt contains high levels of caffeine; if you are pregnant, or have a history of heart trouble, you should consult your physician before using mattmatt. If, after the recommended period of exposure, you are still experiencing problems placing apostrophes, or are using Comic Sans in commercial design applications, please don't breed.

24-minute comics, accents, acoustic covers, acting, alan moore, alphabetical order, apostrophes, aromatic bitters, bands starting with 'the', bed, being ok with that, belgium biscuits, ben folds, bitching, british sketch comedy, burritos, busting your chops, china miéville, christopher walken, cocktails, coding, comics, counter-media insurgency, counterpoint, culture, darkly noon, david bowie, drawing, duosinistropeditis, electro-orchestral fusion, elegantly-crafted prose, extra duvets, eyeliner, fearsome brow-mopping, fight club, finding things out, firefly, fontspotting, forensic cryptozoology, forming habits, french, french toast, friending you back, geekery, gerunds, girls, glitch, glitch pop, gondor calls for aid, good taste in shoes, grammar, grammatical extremism, guitar, harmony, harry potter, house, hugs, iambic pentameter, improv, intrigue, irony, jet packs, johnny depp, joss whedon ismymasternow, karaoke, keeping a straight face, keith johnstone, kisses, kumara, kung fu movies, labyrinth, laziness, le petit prince, liek woh, linguistics, loitering, lolly cake, looking at something else, losing all perspective, love, mash-ups, meaningful looks, mental sorbet, metrosexuality, mike mignola, misanthropy, misquoting shakespeare, monkeys, monsters, more cowbell, movies, music, napoleon dynamite, neal stephenson, neil gaiman, new stationery, ninjas, non-gender-specific cow jokes, obscure pop-culture references, outer space, pauses for effect, performing, philosophy, pighardia, pirates, playing against type, poetry, pointing out hot boys, pretty mechanics, prolixity, prostitute!robots from the future, provocative pseudoandrogyny, radiohead, raspberry jelly, red bull, robots, rocking out, ruby on rails, self-referentialism, semicolons, serenity, shiny things, shopping, sigur rós, singing, small-town fame (or infamy), snuggling, socratic method, stuff, terrible puns, the adventure of reading, the arcade fire, the crow, the cure, the laydeez, the mighty boosh, the next big thing, the power of awesome, the princess bride, the smiths, theatre sports, things, tricksterism, trivia, turkish delight, typography, venetian snares, walks in the rain, writing, zombies

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